You are the final boss in a 80 hour JRPG.
Standing in front of you are bunch of plucky teenagers ready to murder you with the power of friendship.
What do you do?
You are the final boss in a 80 hour JRPG.
Standing in front of you are bunch of plucky teenagers ready to murder you with the power of friendship.
What do you do?
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Never underestimate the power of friendship.
Conjure up visions of these heroes at their lowest points, when they hurt or betrayed one another. Reveal their deepest secrets and turn them against one another and then they’ll tear each other apart and save you the trouble.
Think back to when you were a member of their party, before you hella betrayed them according to your plan. Maybe they had some weaknesses you could exploit.
(gosh I hope they haven’t completed all the sidequests)
>have you monologued in the last 20 minutes about how power is all that matters in this world, and how control over the universe is now yours, and how they’re unable to stop you? make sure to do that
“ANTI PIRACY SYSTEM: The system has detected a modified or illegitimate console. You cannot proceed further. Please purchase the game at a licensed retailer to support the developers and access the full content.”
“Power…”
Eyeroll
“You see the reason I so easily manipulated you all was because I understand that the true meaning of this world is power. You dinguses were so preoccupied with friendship that you never even noticed me analyzing all of your weaknesses!”
“That’s right! Your friendship is your greatest weakness! Such an eclectic mix of people would never get along! I don’t even have to lift a finger! You’re all destined to rip yourselves apart! HAHAHAAAA!”
“This concludes the presentation, you may now start killing each other.”
…
“Nah I think we’re just going to murder you instead.”
“Wait what!?”
“Yeah, we kinda resolved all our character arcs, like, 10 hours ago, we’re pretty much rock solid here.”
Okay, well, seems like psychological warfare is out of the window.
But that’s fine it’s not like they’ve done all the side quests of anyth-
THEY COMPLETED ALL THE SIDEQUESTS OH GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKED.
Can you like back up a little bit when its their turn to attack? Like they do seem to have some impressive reach but surely there must be a distance from which they can’t hit you.
Another hit like that and you’re straight to your second form!
Okay so they’re completionists, try using that to your advantage.
“Oh sure you could murder me, but then you’d never see the super secret pacifist ending!”
Quick! Summon reanimated corpses of the previous bossfights to use as (expendable) adds!
Good idea, you put some considerable distance between yourself and your assailants. This is a flawless plan and you will never take damage ever again.
“Hey just so you know if you kill me you won’t get the secret end-”
“ᵂʰᵃᵗˀ”
“I said if you kill me, you won’t ge-”
“ᴹʸ ᵍᵘʸ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ˢᵒ ᶠᵃʳ ᵃʷᵃʸ ʷᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵇᵃʳᵉˡʸ ʰᵉᵃʳ ʸᵒᵘ”
Hmm. Your long distance plan has a couple of snags it seems.
You summon forth the 4 Dark Elemental Lords from beyond the grave!
These guys were pretty substantial bosses…about 50 hours ago. They’re probably still useful though right?
Oh.
Oh no.
No! not Skeletwist! He was the cooky one.
Okay damage isn’t going to work out but status effects! Oh you can dole out some status effects.
The Gor-golem can still use petrify
Squimber can enrage
and the Dryad Dragon has…endampen?
Wait, how many ribbons did this game have?
Not to come onto your comment and be a hopeless pedant but dryads are traditionally associated with trees and forests and you probably mean a Naiad but it doesn’t have the same alliterative appeal. In contrast to any better options that might exist I propose Wetad Dragon.
Anyway: Immediately break down in tears. Not your oldest and dearest friend Skeletwist. Skeletwist was always there for you, always willing to lend an ear to one of your schemes, or help out in the kitchen when things were getting busy in the middle of a cook, always up for a late night game of Scrabble and a heartfelt chat about your feelings.
>You’ve got a golden opportunity here to fight fire with fire, and by that I mean friendship with friendship. Start complimenting that squid’s spectral patterns. Invite them to wine-tasting. Open up. Within earshot of the heroes, of course.
Aw man, it even has “Dry” in the name! What was I thinking!?
“Oh uh actually I’ve been off the sauce ever since uh… being murdered for your cause.”